Home series

So I have decided to start a series that I have been thinking about for quite some time now... Even though I have lived my entire life up until only this past June in Baltimore, I have still lived many places. Since I graduated high school alone I have moved seven times. I want to use this work to explore the ideas of home, shelter, etc. This picture isn't great but at least it's a start. A tiny (appx. 6"x 5") mixed media collage.

I also want to include some humorous aspects to this series... considering I have lived in some laughable situations. For example.. my freshman roommate the Undergarmentstealer (U.G.S) as my sister named her. Maybe I will even include my childhood living spaces like me and my sister sharing a full size bed as kids in a Baltimore row house. I am excited to further investigate ideas and am in the process of sketching and scavenging for materials.






On another note I am starting my Christmas preparations! I have decided to either hand-make or buy hand-made items... for all the obvious reasons (supporting other artists, using my skills and the eco-freaking-nomic crisis) Some of which include terrariums (pictured right but not EXACTLY what they will look like), a memo board for my buddy Lorraine, a shadow box of my grndmother for my mom, an Andy Warhol style print of my Grandmom for my sister, a special t-shirt for one of the other band girlfriends, an apron, and so much more! I may even make a black velvet painting of Neil Diamond for my manfriend ;) All of these things!!!! This past year has been really tough not making 'real' money yet, but to hell with that, at least I can have fun with it!

On a final note, I am still buying a few things and I got my littlest sister Brittaney, she's 11 believe it or not, a book on "Listography"... you basically fill in different pages with lists based on your life. I thought it would be a nice thing to do with your friends and look back on when you're older. So here is one of my lists:


Ten Random Things I love:

1. Freshly sharpened pencils
2. My cat's snores
3. Cherry Coke..mmm
4. A brand new hardcover book and the way it crackles when it's opened
5. The sensation that Nothing needs to be done in that moment
6. The smell of tea brewing, especially herbal
7. Hand carved wood
8. Putting your hands into a bucket of slip
9. Finding a particularly hilarious mustache
10. Typewriters

that's all for now.

Mourning, Morning

On Sunday October 5, 2008 my grandmother, passed away. I never wanted to imagine my grandmother leaving this earth, but after the past months I am thankful that she is finally at peace. For the past couple of years I have watched Alzheimer's slowly deteriorate her memory and delicate frame until she slipped from this world. I could just imagine her standing at the edge of her nursing home bed saying 'don't cry for me' or 'damnit, why are you all going on and on like this'. She was always such a strong, sassy and incredibly kind lady... I will never stop missing her. Almost all of my friends from Maryland came to her viewing and I was so thankful to have them there for me, to give me strength and remind me to celebrate and appreciate the beautiful life that I am surrounded by. Even those that could not be there sent my messages in other ways to show me I was in their thoughts. My best buddies even took me out for rotating sushi and listened to me blabber on and on for hours. I love them so much! Even though I live far away now, I almost feel like the three of us are closer than ever.

I wrote a brief eulogy for her funeral which I somehow managed to get through, I think she would have approved:

All the things I would want to say about my grandmother I don't think I could ever quite put into words, she meant so much to me just as I know she did to all of you. Now that I am an adult I realize that so much of what I have become is from emulating the things she loved; good food, a good bargain, art, children and especially socializing. I want to carry on in my life her passion, her warm heart and her sharp tongue, always ready to say exactly what she was thinking. I hope that all of you take that part of her you loved the most and carry that on in your own life, that way Theresa Longo will live on this earth and in our hearts forever.

So I spent a good bit of the week feeling sad, Greg made me grilled cheese and cuddled me and let me sob all over him. He even did extra stuff around the house and saved me some really cool shows that he thought I would like while I was away. How good can it get? I worked on Monday and Tuesday, but miserably... I am already frustrated with this job and I was subbing for physics on top of all the emotional aspects. The way I acted in those two days I am admittedly a bit embarrassed about. After the first day of not wanting to deal with anything I decided that since the students were left the same problems for both days that I would let them go to the cafeteria or the library if they were finished. I didn't even check their work and the second class I knew could not have gotten anything done because most of them were being so obnoxious the day before. During that class period my boss, the very sweet and accommodating vice-principal, came in and asked me if I had dismissed the class.. akkk! I was so afraid and knew that I really shouldn't have let most of the class go. I felt like I let her down and myself down as an educator. Not that I could teach physics, but that I needed to keep those kids there and working, focused. It's just so frustrating to me as a degreed professional to basically babysit these classes.

I am just trying to create teachable moments whenever I can and knowing that I will find a fantastic job where my students and I can grow and flourish. Even though this job is so easy and gives me loads of free time I miss the challenges of teaching art and the personal connections with my students.

I am going to keep working hard and staying tough, just like my dear grandmama would have wanted. Maybe next time I will finally make a less emotional post.

Departure

Tonight I'm home with a stiff neck... go ahead and laugh it up. I'm 24 and it's Saturday and of course the obvious undertone. I am actually satisfied, aside from the pain. I went down to Jersey last night with the band and had a blast! Some of my girlfriends from up here were there and we all imbibed quite a bit of beer without being too ridiculous. Very good times! The band does 'Why can't we be Friends' now and I really enjoy that mixed in with their usual fun and danceable stuff.

This week the manfriend and I also joined a gym and went twice already! I was so afraid at first but I made sure not to overdo it while still feeling like I worked out. I doubled my time on the elyptical and hopefully I will be back up to an hour (just like senior year again >sigh<) We both also made reasonable weight loss goals and my friend Amy from up here is part of the same gym so she offered to go with me too. Double the motivators!

I am also determined that I am going to increase my cooking skills... he is really into food and we watch a lot of cooking shows (Yah Alton Brown) So I will be researching recipes fervently. I need to start simple, but I am not the most patient person in the world.. so we'll see.

I have also been reading... A LOT. My best buddy gave me like 13 books to read when we lived together in college and I am already halfway through the stack. It's nice to watch the return pile stack up. I am definitely going to package them in a fancy box and replace some of the more 'well-loved' copies. I think her naughty kitten got to the one I am reading now, Amy Tan's "The Kitchen God's Wife". Amy Tan and I are currently having a love affair, that's right I secretly love a middle-aged Chinese fiction writer, don't tell. This is all taking me back to when I was eleven... we had just moved to Fallston from Baltimore. It was summer and I had no friends and not a whole lot to do. I set up a little nook in the garage with my bean bag chair and some of my favorite knick-knacks, etc. and I would just read all day long. It seems really lame, but I really enjoyed it. It's actually one of my best memories from adolescence. Still innocent in some ways and just taking it all in, everything.

So I am going to keep enjoying. Especially the little moments when I find a great quote from a book, finding a really cool ad in a local store that I can use for a collage, or running errands with my him.. Home Goods can truly equal good times. 'Til next time...

Spill

Ok so here comes the ranting. Some things you need to understand about me and my writing before you keep reading.... I am so hopelessly romantic that sometimes it even grosses me out. I guess I'm not going to make excuses further or try to justify myself, the vastness that is the interwebs gives you plenty of other gobbilty-gok for you to distract from my posting.

I have all these mixed emotions right now for a variety of reasons... I just moved to New York away from everything I know to be with my manfriend. He is a perfect match for me... challenges me, listens, calms me, thoughtful, sexy. I am so happy. I love our little place and our time together...

I am just feeling a little homesick at times and maybe a little lonely. I miss my friends and family. My mom and I are super close and its hard to not be able to just drive up and see her. I spent some time with his family tonight and I really like them, especially his mom and sister. At times though I worry about being compared to his last girlfriend or just being judged at all. I am so paranoid about this huge invisible chopping block... I want to measure up and be good enough in their eyes. I know I am, but I also understand what its like to be in their position and honestly I have never really liked my brother's girlfriends. It's not that they have been 'bad', but they have never felt comfortable? They just seemed contrived or uninvolved I guess.

Anyway, in the past year I also went through a lot of hashing trust issues with friends and a lot of the trust I had developed was shredded. It breaks a little bit of me everytime I look at old pictures of me and these gals, particularly my roomate of two years, but I had to give up the fight. Sometimes a bloody and thrashing battle nside my head... so much of it dredged up these silly past memories of all the betrayal. I guess I feel betrayed a lot. Sensitivity. It's a cruel trait. It weakens. It grows and feeds into insecurities... I mean of course I am over the cruelty dealt to me in adolescence, my best friends calling me a whore to each other, but the embarassment, the memory of hurt thickens a hardened place in my gut. Closing off another door, then all this the past year and it calcifies.

Ahh the cleansing. I am very happy... it's just difficult not to worry at times. To trust in something deeply. Something aches inside, but it can be the good kind like after working out after a long time being sedentary.... So not to muss it up. To remind myself that all the love and worry are ok, part of the experience is learning and life is about the experience. Spill girl spill.

so it begins

With all my free time from a lack of lesson planning and lack of friends in my new locale.